The InuYasha Funnie
by tsunoiya
Summary: Inu-Yasha hates everything, ne? Well, this explains why he hates... well, certian things but first..... he he came to hate FUDGE!
1. Default Chapter

The Inu-Yasha Funny Fic  
  
by Kitsune I own NOTHING!  
  
Chapter 1: How Inu-Yasha Came to Hate Fudge  
  
It was a beautiful spring day in old Japan. The birds were singing, the flowers were blooming and there was love in the air. It was the perfect day to go out and enjoy life. Even the local thieves were taking a day off to bask in the light of peacefulness.  
  
"I'm bored."  
  
Inu-Yasha was bored.  
  
"I think I just said that." Inu-Yasha growled as he sat on a tree branch.  
  
'Yes you did...I was just emphasizing the point...'  
  
"Well don't."  
  
'Umm yes...of course. Ahem... As I was saying.' It was a beautiful spring day and everyone's favorite dog demon was spending some quality time with...  
  
"Hey...He's not everyone's favorite dog demon!" Sessho-Maru jumped into the scene and looked rather smug but annoyed. "I do believe my fan following is slightly larger than his."  
  
'Well...I umm...I was only saying that because...'  
  
"Feh..." Inu-Yasha jumped out of the tree and landed beside his brother. "In your dreams Sessho-Maru. We all know that all the girls like me. She just said so. 'Everyone's favorite dog demon'"  
  
"Feh... perhaps the ones with mental problems." Sessho-Maru snorted back. "All the ones in their right minds worship the greatness which is I, Sessho- Maru."  
  
"Worship!?" Inu-Yasha growled at the full demon and grabbed his kimono. "Why would they want to worship a bastard like you??"  
  
"Better than following around a snidely little half breed." Sessho-Maru growled right back at the half demon, and it looked like it was about to get ugly.  
  
'AS I was saying...' Everyone's favorite HALF-dog demon was spending some quality time with nature.  
  
"Hnn...better." With a self-satisfied smile, Sessho-Maru leapt away.  
  
"Feh...asshole." Inu-Yasha crossed his arms and glared after his brother. Jumping back into the branch, he leaned back to relax. He was bored.  
  
"What did I say about that?" Inu-Yasha's glare was a very convincing argument so we will not comment on the fact that he is bored anymore.  
  
"Feh, I'm bored," he sighed. "I wish something would happen."  
  
Suddenly something happened.  
  
"KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
There was a scream.  
  
"GOD DAMMIT!!! Stop that!!!" Inu-Yasha screamed.  
  
'Sorry...habit....'  
  
"KYAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Inu-Yasha jumped down from his branch yet again and raced towards the sound. It was Kagome! She was standing beside the well, very much afraid. Hence the scream.  
  
"Kagome!" Inu-Yasha ran up to her and skidded to a stop. "What's wrong??  
  
"There was this...this...MONSTER!!" she cried out, her body shaking with fear. "I was just getting out of the well when it attacked me!!"  
  
"Attacked you?!" Inu-Yasha drew out his sword and looked around the woods. "Where did it go??"  
  
"I don't know," she replied. "It disappeared!"  
  
Disappeared? What sort of monster was this to suddenly attack everyone's favorite time traveling school girl and disappear??  
  
"HEY! I'm more popular than her!" A young girl in a brown school uniform stepped out of nowhere. Her hair was done up in two little buns and a scowl covered her face. "I've got almost the entire male cast fighting over me!! What has she got??" Miaka pointed a finger at Kagome. "One little demon mutt and some wolf guy with a serious personality problem!"  
  
"DEMON MUTT??!?" Inu-Yasha fumed at the girl.  
  
He was not happy.  
  
"DON'T YOU FUCKING START THAT AGAIN!!!" Inu-Yasha screamed into the air.  
  
"Umm Miaka..." Kagome said, trying to calm the enraged demon, "You don't really travel through time...yours is more like another world..."  
  
"Really?" The brunette tapped her chin and thought. "But wasn't that...a history book in the library?"  
  
"No... it was not a history book.." Kagome said with straining patience. "Trust me on this...I'm sure everyone loves you more than me, ok?"  
  
'Yes we all love you Miaka. Go eat a cow or something so we can continue our story.'  
  
"Food?? Where?" Miaka hopped up and down, smiling happily.  
  
"There..." Inu-Yasha pointed to the well.  
  
"FOOD!!" Miaka cried out as she leapt into the well. Suddenly there was a THUMP.  
  
"Inu-Yasha!" Kagome scolded, "That was mean!"  
  
"Feh, she called me a mutt." He turned away from her and smiled smugly to himself. "Let's go look for that damn monster."  
  
"Fine. Let's go." As the two walked off, a small voice came from the well.  
  
"Hello? Is someone up there? I need some help...I've...I've fallen into the well and I think I've broken my leg. It hurts very badly...but I think I may be able to stand up... **CRACK** oh dear GOD! The bone is sticking out! Please! Someone! I need immediate medical attention. If someone would just throw me a rope or something...someone? Please?"  
  
The sounds of singing birds filled the air and the day was pretty. What a pretty day.  
  
------------------------------------------------------  
  
"What did it look like Kagome?" Inu-Yasha and Kagome were walking through the forests somewhat aimlessly since they had no idea where to start looking. And it was starting to get annoying. At least Inu-Yasha wasn't bored anymore.  
  
"You're pushing it..." he growled.  
  
"I didn't get a good look at it," Kagome explained as she stepped over something old and smelly. "It came and went so fast."  
  
"Why did it leave anyway?" Inu-Yasha stopped and looked back at her. "I mean, if it was going to attack you, it would have."  
  
"I don't know... It seemed like it wanted something." Kagome thought back to the event and hmmmed.  
  
"Whatever it wanted, I must not have had, since it left."  
  
Kagome was baffled. Inu-Yasha was annoyed. Kaede was upset that Kagome had stepped right over her.  
  
Suddenly something else happened.  
  
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"  
  
It was another scream.  
  
"I am going to hurt you so bad...." Inu-Yasha leapt at the narrator but was pulled back by Kagome.  
  
"That sounded like Shippou!!" Kagome ran towards the scream, leaving Inu- Yasha behind.  
  
"I'll get you..." he growled before running after her.  
  
"Kyaaa!! No!" Kagome ran up to the little kitsune who was on the ground unconscious. Picking him up gently, she made sure he was all right.  
  
"He looks all right." Inu-Yasha noted as he stood beside her. "There aren't any injuries."  
  
"Why'd he scream then?" Kagome wondered aloud.  
  
"Feh, probably saw a snake or something," answered the youkai with a huff of annoyance.  
  
"Shippo...are you...OH MY GOD!!!" Kagome nearly dropped the little boy in surprise.  
  
"WHAT??? What's wrong??" Inu-Yasha whipped around to see if there was something coming.  
  
"No! No!! " Kagome held him close and cried into his tail. "It's too cruel!"  
  
"What the fuck are you talking about?!?!" Inu-Yasha yelled. "Shippo is perfectly....SHIT!! That couldn't have happened!"  
  
"How can we help him Inu-Yasha?" Kagome sniffled softly. "How can we get his 'u' back?"  
  
For those of you who are not too quick in these things, it has become apparent to Inu-Yasha and Kagome that Shippou is in fact now Shippo. The 'u', which made his name what it was, is gone.  
  
"It had to be that monster you saw, Kagome!" Inu-Yasha deduced, showing a remarkable grasp of the obvious. "It must feed off of the 'u's in a person's name!"  
  
"And I don't have a 'u' in my name!" she realized. "Oh Inu-Yasha! How can there be such a monster existing? It's just too horrible."  
  
"I know. That's why we must hunt it down and KILL it! And then...perhaps..." Inu-Yasha looked down at the still unconscious Shippo, "Perhaps we can save him. If not...well I don't want to think about that."  
  
Inu-Yasha, now done with his overly dramatic speech, set off to find this beast. Kagome, wanting to help but not stupid enough to tag along this time, stayed behind with Shippo.  
  
"Good luck, Inu-Yasha!" she cried after him. He was going to need all the luck he could get. Or else he'd end up...In-yasha. And that...just didn't sound right.  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
The scent of the monster had been all around where they had found Shippo. Unfortunately, Inu-Yasha seemed to be suffering from a rather nasty attack of hay fever so he couldn't smell pile of shit, let alone track a monster's scent.  
  
"Hey shut up! I can't help it!" Inu-Yasha snapped. "I got it from mom, ok?"  
  
Ahh... so the one of the reasons you want to be a full demon is to get rid of the hay fever?  
  
"Yes...I mean NO!" Inu-Yasha kept walking, grumbling very un-nice things. "Once I find that damn thing, you are so dead."  
  
Oh really? I think not.  
  
"Feh, you think you can stop me?" Holding up his clawed talons he smirked confidently.  
  
Why, yes I can. Just like this...Ahem.... And suddenly a giant rabid demon leapt at Inu-Yasha from behind a bush.  
  
"AHHHHHH!!!" Inu-Yasha fell to the ground as a giant rabid demon began to attack him, foam dripping from its mouth. "You fucking...ARGGH!! Get off of me!!" With a surge of strength, Inu-Yasha pushed the beast off of him. It immediately jumped back at him and tried to bite his head off.  
  
You believe me now? I am god here.  
  
"Fine whatever!!" Inu-Yasha struggled to keep the demon at bay. "A fucking insane god though!"  
  
Well, that's a matter of opinion. I believe you've learned your lesson. Suddenly a huge bolt of lightning shot from the sky, hitting the beast.  
  
The electricity shot through the demon's body and right into Inu-Yasha's. Both combatants glowed a bright yellow for a moment before falling to the ground, smoke rising from their charred bodies. Inu-Yasha pushed himself up.  
  
"What the HELL??" he screamed rather loudly. "What the fuck are you smoking?!?!"  
  
Nothing. Now get on with the story before I decide to get some rabid fan girls out here.  
  
"EEEP!" Inu-Yasha stood straight up. "Okay, Okay! Just don't do that!"  
  
Good dog. Now go on. Find the beast.  
  
"I'm going...I'm going..." Sulking off to really nowhere in particular, Inu- Yasha resumed his search. This was getting him nowhere.  
  
Suddenly something happened.  
  
"KYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
It was yet another scream.  
  
"God damn you..." Inu-Yasha's eye twitched and he clenched his fist tightly. Without saying another word, which proved him to have some common sense, Inu-Yasha went towards this scream.  
  
"Her too?!?!" He stared in disbelief at a very familiar woman lying unconscious on the grass. Running over to her, he lifted her up.  
  
"Kikyo...damn...he got you too." Shaking her somewhat roughly, he tried to wake her up. "Oi, Kikyo...wake up."  
  
"What...?" Her eyes fluttered open and she saw Inu-Yasha. "Oh Inu-Yasha. It was good for me...was it good for you?"  
  
"WHAT?!?" Inu-Yasha let go and her body fell to the ground with a hard thwap. "What the fuck are you talking about????"  
  
"Ouch! Be more gentle!" She sat up and rubbed the back of her head. "What are you yelling about?"  
  
"............." Inu-Yasha had put quite a bit of distance between himself and Kikyo, his face burning red. "I fucking hope you were dreaming..."  
  
"Oh that?" she smiled sweetly. "It's a dream I have every night. Care to make it reality?"  
  
"Ehhhhhh?????" Inu-Yasha's face was almost completely red now and he was seriously considering running. "I only came cause I heard you screaming!!"  
  
"Oh that's right... I was attacked..." Kikyo stood up and brushed herself off. "But I'm not hurt..."  
  
"Yes you are...Kikyo..." Inu-Yasha cringed at the sound of her name now...it was so wrong...  
  
Then Kikyo stared at him a moment in shock and then blinked...."Ki...Kikyo?????? WHAT HAPPENED TO MY 'U'?!?!?!"  
  
"That monster that attacked you took it!" Inu-Yasha replied vehemently. "It eats the 'u's in people names! I'm out to find and destroy it!"  
  
And apparently having no luck whatsoever doing it, I may add.  
  
"Shut...UP!!!" Inu-Yasha screamed...again..."I'm doing my best ok?!?!"  
  
"Is your hay fever acting up again?" Kikyo asked. "I swear...a stuffed up dog demon is the most pathetic thing in the world."  
  
"............." Inu-Yasha only glared at her.  
  
"Oh touchy..." Kikyo waved him off. "Whatever...if you're looking for him, I suggest you get some help because you're obviously getting nowhere fast."  
  
"And who would THAT be?" he asked angrily. "Not you I should hope."  
  
"No not me." She stuck her tongue out at him. "You're so mean. I was thinking of someone with a better sense of smell than you. Someone who would have something to gain from destroying the monster."  
  
Inu-Yasha blinked. "Miroku?"  
  
"............" Kikyo wondered what she ever saw in him. We all wonder that sometimes, don't we?  
  
"Shut UP!!!" Inu-Yasha was seriously getting tired of the 'let's all attack Inu-Yasha' day. "Who is it then? Huh?"  
  
"Why...it would be...myself." A shadow flashed by Inu-Yasha and landed between him and Kikyo. "We all know I got all the goods of the family brother." Sessho-Maru flashed a smirk at him. "You got the leftovers."  
  
"HIM????" Inu-Yasha nearly dropped his sword as he pointed at his brother in disbelief. "No! I am NOT working with HIM!!!"  
  
Yes you are.  
  
"WHY??"  
  
Cause I said so.  
  
"But...but..." Inu-Yasha stammered, trying to think of some way out of this.  
  
Keep this up and I turn this into a yaoi lemon.  
  
Both Inu-Yasha and Sessho-Maru let out shrieks of terror.  
  
"Just DO it Inu-Yasha!" Sessho-Maru begged. "Do you WANT to...to...I can't say it!!"  
  
Do the horizontal mambo with your brother. Get down and dirty between the sheets. Packing the fudge. Incest is best and all that stuff.  
  
"I'll do it!!!" Inu-Yasha cried out, tears almost falling. "Sweet god...I'll work with him...just not...not...that."  
  
Oh good. You made a wise decision. I think you'll have fun together.  
  
Inu-Yasha and Sessho-Maru looked at each other warily. This was definitely not their idea of fun. But the only other option was...was...  
  
Ok you guys! Get going! Find that monster and get this plot going!  
  
Heads down and dejected looks on their faces, the brothers nodded and went off to find the monster. 


	2. How InuYasha Came to Hate Beef

Chapter 2: How Inu-Yasha Came to Hate Beef  
  
"Hay fever again?" Sessho-Maru asked as the two walked through the woods. Displaying that the remarkable grasp of the obvious ran in the family.  
  
"Shut up." Inu-Yasha growled back. "Just start sniffing so we can find that damn monster and get this fucking story over with." Apparently he was not impressed with this story.  
  
"What do you think I've been doing?" Sessho-Maru griped. "You think we've been walking around randomly? No, I've been following his scent."  
  
"We've been walking for hours dammit." Inu-Yasha stopped walking and sat on the ground. Sessho-Maru stopped and looked back at him, more than a little annoyed. Which actually made him look cuter than normal, if that's at all possible.  
  
"..........." Both Inu-Yasha and Sessho-Maru didn't respond to this.  
  
"Tired? Humph, figures." Sessho-Maru smirked.  
  
"No I'm NOT tired you asshole," Inu-Yasha gruffed back. "I'm just sick of walking around like this."  
  
"I thought you wanted to get this over with." Sessho-Maru seemed to have a better memory than his brother since Inu-Yasha had just commented on this.  
  
"........... You are a bitch..." Inu-Yasha growled. Then, looking back at his bro, he sighed. "I figure we let it find us. I mean, with your name alone it has a pretty good meal."  
  
"ME?" Sessho-Maru yelled angrily as he stomped over to Inu-Yasha. "I do NOT want to be the bait and possibly end up Sessho-Maru! You do it! In-yasha isn't that bad of a name!"  
  
"ME?" Inu-Yasha bolted up and stared the demon in the eyes. "I have to kill it! I can't kill it with a name like In-yasha!!!"  
  
"You couldn't kill a corpse let alone a monster!" Sessho-Maru screamed back. It was very clear that neither of them cherished the idea of losing their 'u's. Which is perfectly understandable because everyone knows that the 'u's in a man's name are something precious and...Manly. So they continued to argue back and forth, causing quite a ruckus in the woods until...  
  
Something happened.  
  
"ARRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!"  
  
It was a scream.  
  
"SHUT THE FUCK UP!!" both Sessho-Maru and Inu-Yasha screamed at the same time.  
  
Be nice. Just go investigate the scream or I'll get nasty. Need I prove my powers again Inu-Yasha?  
  
"Shit! Sessho-Maru, don't piss her off!!" Pulling his brother's ear close to his, Inu-Yasha whispered, "Trust me...she fucking insane. She'll do something horrible if we don't do what she says."  
  
I heard that.  
  
"What could she possibly do to I, Sessho-Maru?" Sessho-Maru straightened up and looked rather proud of himself. It appeared that we were wrong about his memory since he was quite scared of us earlier with the threat of yaoi. It also appeared that he needed some convincing. And it appears that we'll have some yaoi fan service coming.  
  
You did this to yourself...Ahem... Suddenly Sessho-Maru grabbed Inu-Yasha in his arms and locked their lips in a passionate kiss. They played a powerful game of tonsil hockey until they had to separate their mouths for a breath. Ahh how sweet.  
  
".............." Inu-Yasha stared at Sessho-Maru wide-eyed.  
  
".........." Sessho-Maru stood there, dazed and confused. "WHAT THE FUCK?!?!" He screamed, trying to figure out what just happened. "You're INSANE!!"  
  
I told you to go check out that scream dammit.  
  
"JUST GO Sessho-Maru!" Inu-Yasha yelled at his brother, coughing and gasping for breath. "Listen to me next time dammit!!!!"  
  
"But...but..." Sessho-Maru was totally and completely confused. "How could she...be so.... CRUEL!?"  
  
"We're going to check out the scream now, just no more of that..." Inu- Yasha said with a fake happy face, waving to the narrator. Grabbing Sessho- Maru by his tail, he dragged the demon off with him.  
  
"Oh NO! Sango's been attacked!" Inu-Yasha yelled as he saw the little cat demon of hers running up to him. "Kirara! Where is she?"  
  
"Let go of my TAIL!!" Sessho-Maru ripped his tail out of Inu-Yasha's grasp and held it gently, smoothing it out. "Why the fuck would it attack her baka? She doesn't have a 'u' in her name."  
  
"I don't know ok??" Inu-Yasha snapped. "It... Just did..."  
  
"Sure...whatever Inu-Yasha." Rolling his eyes Sessho-Maru put his tail back over his shoulder. He was seriously beginning to wonder about his brother's intelligence level.  
  
"Kirara...where is Sango?" Inu-Yasha bent down to look at the creature, which Sessho-Maru just now noticed.  
  
"Oi....a....cat....demon???" Sesshou-Maru's eyes blazed red and the marks on his face grew longer. "Come here...kitty..."  
  
"Mew?" Kirara took a hesitant step backwards.  
  
"Oh god dammit...don't do this NOW Sessho-Maru!!" But it was too late...Sessho-Maru was already halfway through the transformation.  
  
"MEW?!?!!?!?!" Kirara jumped back in fear as the huge dog loomed over her, drool dripping from its fangs. With a loud rumbling bark and a fangy smile, the dog leapt at Kirara. Hair standing on end, the cat demon fled for her life, changing into her more powerful form with each step.  
  
Inu-Yasha put his face in his hand and grumbled. Why did Sessho-Maru always do this? EVERY time...  
  
"Fucking leave her alone Sessho-Maru!" Inu-Yasha yelled as Kirara sped by him with Sessho-Maru close on her heels, his tongue lolling out of the side of his mouth.  
  
Inu-Yasha, being the half breed he was, just didn't understand the pure joy of chasing a cat demon and then eating it.  
  
"EATING IT?!?!?!" Inu-Yasha screamed. "He can't EAT her!! Sango will kill me!!!!" Fear racing through him, Inu-Yasha had to think fast. Sessho-Maru and Kirara zipped by again, causing his long white hair to fly out as they went by. Suddenly, he snapped his fingers and went "ahah!" We're assuming he has an idea since that's what most people do when they have an idea.  
  
"You asked for this Sessho-Maru." Head bowed down slightly, Inu-Yasha sighed. On their next pass, the half demon jumped onto the speeding dog and climbed his way to his head. Once there, he reached into his jacket and pulled out a very very large newspaper. Rolling it up, he pulled it back and smacked is sharply  
  
on Sesshou-Maru's nose.  
  
"BAD DOG! STOP! BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD  
  
BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD DOG!" Inu-Yasha continued to whack the sensitive nose until Sessho-Maru stopped the chase and covered his nose with his paws, whining.  
  
"You stop this now Sessho-Maru!" Inu-Yasha scolded. "Stop it now or I'll go get the shock collar."  
  
Sesshou-Maru's eyes grew wide and he nodded quickly. As he changed back to normal, Inu-Yasha jumped off his head.  
  
"That was totally unnecessary." Sessho-Maru said grimly, rubbing his sore nose. "I was just having fun."  
  
"You're embarrassing you know that??" Inu-Yasha retorted, as a now small Kirara jumped into his arms for protection. "EVERY time you see a cat demon, you do that!!"  
  
"Feh, you wouldn't understand." Sessho-Maru snorted.  
  
Like how he wouldn't understand drinking out of the toilet and humping people's legs?  
  
"WHAT?!?!" Sessho-Maru turned a bright red. "I don't do that!!!"  
  
Both Inu-Yasha and Kirara gave him flat, unbelieving stares.  
  
"I DON'T!" he stammered angrily. "She...she's making that up!!"  
  
"Uh-huh..." Inu-Yasha gave his brother a wicked smile and winked. "I believe you bro...I suuuuure do."  
  
"..........You.... bastard..." Sessho-Maru clenched his fist tightly and gritted his fangs.  
  
"Mew." Kirara looked up at Inu-Yasha.  
  
"Huh? Oh yeah we were gonna go investigate the scream. Kirara, where's Sango and what happened to her?" Inu-Yasha set the little demon on the ground.  
  
"Mew." Kirara said.  
  
"REALLY??" Inu-Yasha gaped.  
  
"What?? What did she say?" Sessho-Maru looked at the cat from behind Inu- Yasha's shoulder.  
  
"She said that her and Sango were sitting in the fields, having a nap when this monster came out of nowhere and attacked them. They tried to fight it off but it was too strong. It attacked Sango, knocking her out, but ignored Kirara. Kirara couldn't get Sango to wake up and smelled me nearby, so she came running to look for me. Now she wants us to go to Sango to see if we help her out."  
  
"..................." Sessho-Maru looked at Inu-Yasha. "You're telling me she said all that in one little...'mew'....  
  
Inu-Yasha blinked. "Umm yeah."  
  
Sessho-Maru looked at him again.  
  
Inu-Yasha blinked.  
  
Kirara blinked.  
  
Sessho-Maru blinked.  
  
Inu-Yasha blinked.  
  
Kirara blinked.  
  
Sessho-Maru bli..  
  
"STOP THAT!!!" both the demons yelled.  
  
Touchy touchy touchy.... Just follow the cat.  
  
"Mew!" Kirara bounded away with the two dog demons following her. As they trotted away, a very nice view of their backsides was clearly visible. Umhmm...they certainly both got THAT good part. Very nice indeed....  
  
"Huh??" Sessho-Maru looked back over his shoulder as they ran after the cat. "Now wait a minute bitch..."  
  
"Come ON Sessho-Maru!" Inu-Yasha grabbed him by the tail yet again and pulled him along.  
  
"My tail!! You're hurting it!" Sessho-Maru wailed as Inu-Yasha yanked on it again.  
  
"You are such a wimp!" Inu-Yasha growled, obviously not mentioning the fact that every time someone twisted his ears he broke out in tears.  
  
"Ahahahahah!!!" Sessho-Maru nearly fell down laughing. "Your ears??? Ahahahahahaha!!"  
  
"Oi...."Inu-Yasha glared at his brother and gave his tail an extremely hard yank.  
  
"OWW!!" Pulling his tail away from his brother, Sessho-Maru cradled it, his eyes brimming with tears.  
  
"It's a sensitive thing baka...**sniffle** don't be so rough."  
  
You two are really going to get it if you don't stop this right now and go see what's wrong with Sango!!  
  
"Yes Ma'am!" They saluted, as they properly should, and ran over to the Sango who was lying on the ground.  
  
"Maybe she's dead" Sessho-Maru guessed as he walked up to her and gave her a small kick in the side.  
  
"Stop that!" Inu-Yasha shoved the demon away and picked Sango up, shaking her. "Oi! Wake up! Wake Up!"  
  
Apparently, not being the real ladies man, it appears that Inu-Yasha knows of no better way to wake someone up than by shaking them.  
  
"Huh?" the girl blinked to awareness. "What...happened...that monster...."  
  
"Oi! San-Go!" Inu-Yasha stopped and blinked. "WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO YOUR  
  
NAME??!?!?!"  
  
"What??? What???" San-Go jumped up and looked around frantically. "My NAME!!"  
  
"Humph...She's been marked." Sessho-Maru crossed his arms and looked very intelligent, which is just right, seeing how he is very intelligent. Of course, compared to Inu-Yasha, Kirara looks intelligent.  
  
"HEY!" Inu-Yasha screamed in a very unintelligent voice. "What the fuck is this?!!? The BASH Inu-Yasha Fanfic???"  
  
"Well...she's only stating the truth brother..." Sessho-Maru replied with a smirk.  
  
Inu-Yasha leapt at Sessho-Maru, intending to be very un-nice to him, when a giant cow feel from the sky, crushing the half demon beneath its bovine weight. Moo.  
  
"ARGGHG!!!" Inu-Yasha's arm twitched as he tried to free himself.  
  
No HURT Sessho-Maru!  
  
"Biiiiiiiiitchhh..." Inu-Yasha growled as he threw the cow off of him. There was a loud crash and a scream as the cow landed on someone a ways away.  
  
"Seems like there's a bit of favoritism is in play here." Sessho-Maru swished back his hair and grinned in a very handsome manner.  
  
"You fucking...." Inu-Yasha raised a claw to strike at Sessho-Maru when a huge bolt of lightning struck the ground in front of Inu-Yasha, who barely escaped it by leaping backwards.  
  
No HURT Sessho-Maru!!!  
  
"Better listen to her Inu-Yasha." Sessho-Maru kicked some dirt at Inu-Yasha and smirked at his inability to do anything about it.  
  
"You are so dead..." Inu-Yasha growled as he got up from the ground and glared daggers at his brother.  
  
"Excuse me..." San-Go, being entirely forgotten was a little upset. "Could anyone tell me what happened?"  
  
"You were marked by the monster." Sessho-Maru explained matter of factly. "It's mark, a dash, has been left in your name. It's just a bit of bragging on his part. Teasing us."  
  
"And how the fuck do you know that?" Inu-Yasha growled.  
  
*Blink* "Why...she told me of course." Sessho-Maru pointed at the narrator. "Told me what it was and how it worked. Also told me where it was."  
  
"WHAT?!?! You knew where it was all this time?!?!" Inu-Yasha fumed very unintelligently.  
  
"..........BITCH! Stop it!!"  
  
Touchy.... touchy...  
  
"I was just making the story more interesting." Sessho-Maru quipped, even though he, in all his intelligence, wasn't quite sure what the act of quipping involved.  
  
"Why'd she tell you?!??!"  
  
"Ahem...*cough*" Sessho-Maru gave a small cough and looked away with a small grin, his cheeks slightly red. "In exchange for the information...I well..."  
  
And he was very GOOD at it, I may add. Come over next commercial break Sessho-chan and I'll show you some tricks of my own. **Wink**  
  
Inu-Yasha and San-Go blinked and turned a slide shade of green.  
  
"Dear.... god..." Inu-Yasha stuttered..."Fucking don't say anymore!!! I don't want to hear this!!"  
  
"Humph, you're just jealous." Sessho-Maru laughed. "Just because your woman won't put out...."  
  
"WHAT?!!?" Inu-Yasha yipped. "Why would...I ...I mean.... I don't...." His face turned a VERY bright red and it actually made him look kinda cute.  
  
"Oi...I'm the cute one." Sessho-Maru said with a disappointed frown.  
  
"I think Inu-Yasha's cuter actually..." San-Go timidly pointed out...and quickly beeped when a stunned Inu-Yasha shot a glare at her.  
  
"Never mind...." San-Go said, and then grumbled some very nasty things that cause Kirara to cover her innocent ears.  
  
ANYWAYS! We are getting off track here. I swear...I try to get the plot moving and all I get is bickering!  
  
"Plot? What Plot?" San-Go asked.  
  
Hehe! Sounds like a lemon to me...whaddaya say men? Drop the almost non- existent plot and make this a yummy yaoi lemon?  
  
"NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Inu-Yasha and Sessho-Maru both screamed and ran off into the sunset.  
  
*Blink* Well...that was unexpected. Oh well. They'll be back for the next chapter. Unfortunately San-Go will not.  
  
"Ahh damn." San-Go said, with slight disappointment.  
  
Sorry mia muchacha. You're just no fun to write for this little girl. You're outta here!  
  
"Huh?" San-Gio blinked as she noticed a shadow all around her.  
  
"Mooooooooo"  
  
"KYAAAAAAA!!!!!!"  
  
SPLAT  
  
"Mew?" Kirara poked at the cow which sat on her mistress.  
  
"The smell.....dear god...the SMELL!!" a muffled voice called out from under the living hamburger.  
  
And so San-Go was gone and we await a new chapter. 


	3. How InuYasha came to love fudge

Chapter 3: How Inu-Yasha came to love fudge.  
  
There was a quiet rustle in the woods as two demon brothers poked their heads out from a bush and looked around.  
  
"So you say it's around here somewhere?" Inu-Yasha asked his brother in a whisper.  
  
"I've said that twenty times you moron..." his brother growled. "Are you dumb or just plain stupid?"  
  
"I'll give you stupid!!" Inu-Yasha grabbed Sessho-Maru by the neck and began to strangle him.  
  
Which.... was very stupid.  
  
No HURT Sessho-Maru!!!  
  
A large fireball erupted out of nowhere, engulfing Inu-Yasha in flames, burning him to a crisp, yet missing lovely Sessho-Maru entirely. With a small puff of smoke, the charred half-demon fell to the ground, twitching.  
  
I told you not to hurt him baka!!  
  
"Biiii....tccchhh....." Inu-Yasha managed to gasp out as he lay smoldering on the ground. Sessho-Maru looked rather smug in a cute way and smirked at his brother.  
  
"Shall we go now brother-dear?" he asked in a very condescending voice. Making sure to step on him on his way out, Sessho-Maru left the bushes. Inu- Yasha gave a growl and shook off the ashes, following him.  
  
......................  
  
I said.... Inu-Yasha gave a growl and shook off the ashes, following him.  
  
....................  
  
That's your cue Inu-Yasha...  
  
"I think you killed him..." Sessho-Maru poked his head back into the bushes and poked his brother's crispy corpse. "Good going."  
  
HEY! It was an accident! He was going to hurt you!  
  
"Well it seems like we won't be having that problem anymore..." Sessho-Maru picked up his arm to check  
  
his pulse and was moderately surprised to see it crumble into ashes. "Damn woman, you did a job on him"  
  
I said I didn't mean to!!!  
  
Kyyyyaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
There was a scream. WAIT! What do I mean there was a scream?!? There's not supposed to be a scream  
  
now!! Who's that?!?!  
  
"Kyaaaaaa!!!! Inu-Yasha!" a girl in a green and white sailor fuku came running through the bushes.  
  
"Inu-Yasha!!!!! NOOOOOOO!!!!!"  
  
Kagome! What are you doing here?!?!?  
  
"Kagome?" Sessho-Maru looked at the girl who was now kneeling beside Inu- Yasha and crying a lot.  
  
"Oi....Correct me if I'm wrong...which I rarely am...but that's not Kagome..."  
  
Of course it's not! It's an imposter! She's not the REAL Kagome.  
  
"Inu-Yasha!!!! He's DEAD!!!!" the girl cried some more and looked a little pathetic.  
  
Oh please, get over it.  
  
"You killed him Kitsune-chan!" she screamed at the narrator who was really quite innocent of the whole ordeal. In fact, everyone should thank her. With Inu-Yasha gone, the series can further explore the wonders of Sessho- Maru.  
  
"Why...that's a good point!" Sessho-Maru beamed happily at the idea of the story revolving around him. "I do believe I would make a very good main character!"  
  
You would! My little Sessho-chan would be the most popular bishounen EVER!  
  
"I would!"  
  
You would!  
  
"I would!"  
  
You DEFINATLY Would!!!  
  
"SHUT UP!!" Kagome screamed causing both Sessho-Maru and the lovely narrator to stop short. "Kitsune-chan you knew Inu-Yasha was mine!"  
  
Really? I was unaware of that actually.  
  
"Baka.... don't play that..." The girl pulled out an official "Inu-Yasha Owner" card.  
  
Oh...that...ahem...Well...I'm sure he'll be fine in the morning...  
  
Sessho-Maru and Kagome both gave the narrator a flat stare. With his taloned finger, Sessho-Maru poked his brother's blackened chest, causing the entire body to crumble into ashes.  
  
"Fine in the morning huh?" Sessho-Maru said flatly, obviously forgetting that he had been happy about it a moment before, which makes one believe that perhaps Inu-Yasha hadn't gotten all of the stupid genes.  
  
"OI!" Sessho-Maru fumed "I'm not stupid!"  
  
Feh, whatever.  
  
"Kitsune-chan..." Kagome decided to point something out besides the fact that the real Kagome's fuku was extremely too small in the upper chest reason, therefore creating a very big eyeful for Sessho-Maru who appeared to be taking full advantage of the situation. Which didn't last long since, for no real reason other than because the narrator tends to be jealous, a large branch feel out of a tree knocking Sessho-Maru out  
  
cold.  
  
Damn...missed her....  
  
"Kitsune..." Kagome said somewhat annoyed, although the fact that she had nearly been creamed by an overly jealous fan girl made her a tad nervous. "I was about to point something out."  
  
What?  
  
"You just wrote yourself into a corner." She said with a mixture of seriousness and amusement.  
  
I what?  
  
"A corner.... think about it...you'll get it in a minute..."  
  
............................  
  
...........................  
  
"Come on...you can do it." she said with a smirk.  
  
Shut up! ..........................Ahh shit!  
  
"Get it now?"  
  
............Yes..........dammit..........Hmmm....  
  
"But...since this fic is anything BUT serious, it's easily resolved."  
  
You're right! I can fix it no problem! Ahem.... Suddenly a little angel fell from the sky, his gray hair  
  
shining slightly.  
  
"Kaworu-kun!" Kagome jumped up and down, giggling happily as the tiny winged-version of Kaworu fluttered over Inu-Yasha's ashes, dropping a bunch of fairy dust. With a wink and a smile, he disappeared.  
  
Well...that was...interesting...  
  
"Kaworu-kun!" Stars filled her eyes as she gazed where he had been, not noticing that Inu-Yasha was completely healed and revived, although a little peeved.  
  
"What the FUCK is going on?!?!" Inu-Yasha sat up and rubbed the back of his neck, looking around in confusion. Beside him, Sessho-Maru still lay unconscious and a starry-eyed Kagome was on the other side.  
  
"Wait...never mind...I don't wanna know..."  
  
Ahah! He's alive! I kick ass!  
  
"INUYASHA!" Apparently recovering from her momentary lapse of sanity, Kagome glomped Inu-Yasha fiercely. "You're ALIVE!!! How do you feel??"  
  
"ACK! Who are you?!?!?" he screamed, trying to escape the grasp of the girl. "ACK! NOOO!!! A RABID FANGIRL!! DAMN YOU!!!"  
  
Hey, I didn't do it this time. She did it on her own.  
  
"Sessho-Maru!! HELP HELP!!" Inu-Yasha clawed the ground furiously as Kagome clung to his legs, snuggling him happily.  
  
Umm he's out cold...But...I could be persuaded to wake him...  
  
"ANYTHING!! Just get him to HELP ME!!" Inu-Yasha was desperately pushing away the girl as she continued to cling to him, smiling happily.  
  
Well...ok.... Ahem.... Sessho-Maru awoke at the sound of his brother's screams  
  
"Huh? What's going.... ACK! Inu-Yasha!! There's something CLINGING to you!!" Sessho-Maru pointed at the frantic dog demon with a shocked look on his face.  
  
"I fucking KNOW that!" he screamed back. "HELP ME!!!!"  
  
Sessho-Maru blinked and then a wicked smile crossed his lips. "Oh...so you're asking ME for help now? Amusing..."  
  
"Argggh!!! Don't DO this to me!!! We're BLOOD dammit!!" Inu-Yasha was beginning to realize that he might not win this battle on his own. Which is probably a good assumption, given the degree of Kagome's obsession.  
  
"Feh...I don't know why I even do these things..." Sessho-Maru grumbled to himself, not feeling like arguing about it and dragging this fic out any longer than it had to be. With a snort, he stood up and grabbed his brother's hands, pulling with all his might.  
  
"NOOOOOO!!! Inu-Yasha! Noooo!! Don't LEAVE me!!" Kagome tightened her grasp as she felt him being pulled away. The little game of tug-of-war lasted for a few moments, but not even the raging strength of this rabid fan girl could stand up to the maleficent strength of the powerful Sessho-Maru!  
  
With loud FWOOSH sound, Kagome lost the war, and was thrown miles away by the force of her own  
  
pulling, screaming as she went.  
  
Which didn't bother the narrator much since in the process of being tugged from Kagome's grasp, Inu-Yasha had lost his pants, which provided everyone with a very nice view of his lower portions.  
  
"SHIT!" Inu-Yasha blushed furiously and pulled his upper shirt around him tightly, concealing as much as he could.  
  
Whohoo, shake it baby!  
  
"SHUT UP!!!" Crouching on the ground to further conceal himself, Inu- Yasha's face was a fierce shade of red, while his brother was chuckling softly. "Dammit...get me some pants or something Sessho-Maru."  
  
"From where!?! We're in the middle of nowhere!" Sessho-Maru snapped at him for really no reason at all except that he looks cute when he's slightly angry.  
  
".............." Neither brother dignified that with a response.  
  
"Sessho-Maru asked out of sheer boredom rather than actual concern.  
  
Although we can't understand how he could be bored with all that just happened.  
  
"Feh...I feel fine..." he said with a grumble, apparently still upset over the pants thing. "Except..."  
  
"Except what?" Sessho-Maru asked with a slightly bit more interest. Which also made him look very very cute.  
  
"I have this overwhelming urge...to.... to..."Inu-Yasha looked up into Sesshou-Maru's eyes. "To...kiss you..."  
  
WHOHOOOO!!!!!  
  
"WHAT?!!?!" Sessho-Maru leapt back, shock covering his face. "BITCH! What did you do to him?!?!"  
  
ME??? I didn't do anything!!!  
  
"AHHH!!" Inu-Yasha slapped his own face a few times. "What DID you do?!?! Why am I thinking about kissing my brother?!?!"  
  
Oh wait....  
  
"What?? What??" Sessho-Maru asked frantically. "What is it??"  
  
Well maybe...umm maybe I shouldn't have had Kaworu revive him... we all know he's a little light in the loafers himself.  
  
"HUH???" both Inu-Yasha and Sessho-Maru gasped at the same time.  
  
"You're telling me, that because of the little fairy-angel thing, Inu-Yasha is gonna be wanting to KISS me for the rest of the fic??!" Sessho-Maru scooted further away from his brother.  
  
Among other things....  
  
"OTHER THINGS?!??!" Inu-Yasha screamed.  
  
"I am GONE!!" Sessho-Maru jumped up and was about to leave when he stopped, because we all know the narrator's not gonna let her hot little stud muffin leave so easily.  
  
You stay. You've gotta get the dash monster remember?  
  
"Ahh shit...I forgot about that damn thing." Inu-Yasha growled. "Dammit...at this point, I say forget it!!"  
  
"Yeah!" Sessho-Maru agreed since he had to stay anyway. "Just end the whole thing!"  
  
Nope. This keeps going cause I say so. Besides, if we end the Dash Monster story, I'll just turn it into a lemon for the hell of it. It's not like Inu- Yasha would object much now.  
  
Inu-Yasha turned slightly green.... but didn't disagree which made Sessho- Maru very very uneasy.  
  
OK! Now then! On with the story. Which...will have to wait until the next chapter!  
  
"Stay away from me..." Sessho-Maru moved very far away from Inu-Yasha 


	4. How SesshoMaru Became AfraidVery Afraid

Chapter 4: How Sessho-Maru Became Afraid...Very Afraid. Ahh and we're Back for another lovely chapter of "Inu-Yasha and Sessho- Maru: A Forbidden Love"  
  
"WHAT!?!" Sessho-Maru screamed at the narrator, in a very unnecessary way. "That's not the name of this story!!!!!!"  
  
Yes it is. I decided to change it. I think people would much more enjoy a nice yaoi story with lots and lots of angst. Don't you think so Inu-Yasha?  
  
"............" Glancing over at his brother who looked like a demon right from hell, Inu-Yasha decided not to agree.  
  
Ahh poor little Inu-Yasha. You must be fighting it so hard. The urge to just jump his bones is driving you mad isn't it?  
  
".............." Still remaining silent, Inu-Yasha's face turned a bright red and he looked away angrily.  
  
"You...are one sick puppy..." Sessho-Maru growled as he stepped further away from his brother. "And I WASN'T referring to Inu-Yasha either!"  
  
Well so what if I am? I control everything! What I say goes! Bwahahahaha!!! The brothers both sweatdropped at this slightly and looked a little frightened, as they well should be.  
  
"Ok..Ok...Let's just...talk this out..." Sessho-Maru held out his hands in a calming gesture. And yes he has both cause I say so. It's too hard writing about him when I have to remember he only has one arm. So neener to anyone who argues.  
  
"Yes...of course..." Trying to laugh, but not succeeding, Sessho-Maru stepped over to his brother, who was still lacking pants and looked at the narrator. "Isn't there some way we can get you to change your mind? Just let us find this monster and destroy it...There is some plot already established....Throwing that away and starting a whole new one in the middle of the story...is well just not what a good writer does."  
  
......You're saying I'm a good writer?  
  
"Oh yes! YES! Of course! You are the greatest writer ever!" Sessho-Maru nodded enthusiastically and looked over to Inu-Yasha. "Isn't that right Inu- Yasha?"  
  
"Oh yes! No one could EVER outshine your literary talent!" Inu-Yasha nodded also, smiling.  
  
Oh....Well... *giggle* Well when you put it like that..... Let's go get the Dash Monster!  
  
"Phew..." Sessho-Maru wiped his brow in relief. But suddenly got a very disgusted look on his face and glared at Inu-Yasha. "......Brother.....Please take your hand off my shoulder...."  
  
"What?!" Inu-Yasha snapped as he drew his hand back. "It was only a brotherly gesture of affection!"  
  
"Right..." Sessho-Maru stepped away, determined to keep his distance from the horny demon. "Umm...would it be too much to ask that you make it where he's not so ...horny?"  
  
Yes it would be asking too much. I like him like this.  
  
"................Ok.... Well then...Umm I'll just go this way.... and Inu- Yasha." Sessho-Maru looked back at his brother.  
  
"What?" Inu-Yasha asked semi-innocently as he gazed at his brother's rear end with the same adoration many fan girls do.  
  
"Just...stay behind me.... REALLY far behind me...please." Picking up the pace to put some space between them, Sessho-Maru set off to find the Dash monster so he could hopefully end this story. Inu-Yasha, grumbling about his own misfortune, and lack of pants, followed behind the demon. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- "Shah.... I see it..." Sessho-Maru crouched down behind some bushes. In a clearing, he could see the monster lying down on the ground, lazily taking a nap. Inu-Yasha caught up with him and knelt beside him, watching the monster closely.  
  
"Looks like we've got him now..." Inu-Yasha whispered. Soon...soon it would be all over, he kept thinking to himself.  
  
"Inu-Yasha..." Sessho-Maru glared down at him. "Get you hand OFF my ass Inu- Yasha...."  
  
"Oh hehe...Umm" Taking his hand back, Inu-Yasha sweated slightly, his face turning red once again. "Sorry bout that. I can't help it you know."  
  
"Feh, I shouldn't be surprised. A pathetic weakling like you would never have the power to resist a spell like that." With a smirk that was as about as condescending as they come, Sessho-Maru laughed.  
  
".............You fucking bastard!" Inu-Yasha screamed at his brother. "I'll rip you apart!" Raising his claws to strike, Inu-Yasha suddenly found himself on the business end of a huge fireball. NO HURT SESSHO-MARU!! "Hahaha!" Sessho-Maru fell down laughing as Inu-Yasha lay there smoldering, luckily not dead this time. "You really ARE dumb if you haven't learned not to attack me yet!!"  
  
"Where the FUCK are those things coming from?!?!" The fried demon jumped up and shook the ashes off his skin, looking around desperately for the source of the fireballs.  
  
Suddenly a huge creature flew over them. Both brothers blinked as the orange beast turned around and locked it's gaze onto them.  
  
"CHAAAARRRR!!!!" the creature roared as it suddenly swooped down at them, flames bursting from it's gaping jaws.  
  
"KYAAAAAAA!!!!!!!" Holding onto each other in fear, Sessho-Maru and Inu- Yasha could only scream as the fireball came raging toward them. With a huge blast, it hit them square on, incinerating them both.  
  
"Chhhaaaar...." A rumbling sort of laugh coming from it, the creature flapped it's wings, coming around for another attack. CHARIZARD! RETURN! The creature roared in defiance as it was drawn back into it's pokeball with a flash of light. Luckily, the narrator had saved the brothers from serious injury.  
  
"Biiiiitttccchhhh" Inu-Yasha lay on the ground twitching as the smoke rose from his body. Right beside him, Sessho-Maru didn't look much better.  
  
Sorry bout that guys! Charizard gets a little uncontrollable at times. But let's forget that! Time to get the dash monster!!!  
  
"Why don't you have your stupid dragon get it" Inu-Yasha complained as he shook the ashes off.  
  
Cause I don't wanna. Oh wait...Umm he's gone.  
  
"WHAT?!?" Sessho-Maru leapt up in a cute way. "He's gone??! Where'd he go now??"  
  
I don't KNOW ok? You scared him off with all your noise.  
  
"We had a fucking DRAGON after us!!!!" Inu-Yasha screamed angrily.  
  
He's not a dragon. He's a Pokemon!  
  
"WHATEVER!!!!" Inu-Yasha was seriously losing what little patience he had, which isn't very surprising given his personality in the first place. I don't think he should pursue a career with children. He would act very inappropriately towards them and probably get sued up his ass. His very cute ass, which is very apparent at the moment.  
  
"Bitch" Covering himself back up, he turned a lovely shade of red and didn't notice the fact that his brother was gone. "Sessho-Maru???" Looking around frantically, he spotted the demon disappearing into the horizon, a trail of dust behind him. "AHH!! Don't run away you coward!!!!" He was about to pursue the beauty when he felt a cold claw on his shoulder. Turning around, he saw it...and he screamed like a little girl. --------------------------------------------------------------- Sessho-Maru peeked back into the clearing he had fled from moments before. At the first sight of that dash monster, all reason had escaped him and he ran, leaving his brother behind. Not that he really cared much about his brother, especially now that he was...showing the wrong kind of brotherly love towards him... "Brother?" he called out cautiously, looking for any signs of the half-demon.  
  
"Fu.... fucking Sessho-Maru..." a groan came from the bushes "You fucking coward!!!!"  
  
Before he knew what hit him, Sessho-Maru was knocked to the ground and a very angry dog-demon stood over him. Unfortunately he was quicker than me this time so he was able to get by with that little bit of violence towards my Sessho-chan.  
  
"OUCH!" Sessho-Maru rubbed the bump on his head and growled at his brother. "Dammit In-Yasha, what was that...for..." His eyes widened and he stared at his brother in shock "Oh dear GOD!! He got you too!!!!"  
  
"YES He got me you shit for brains!!! You scrammed without telling me he was right behind me!!!!" In-Yasha looked more than a little upset.  
  
"Gomen" Sessho-Maru chuckled at his brother's misfortune, which I must agree is very funny. "I could have sworn I warned you...really..."  
  
"..........."In-Yasha only glared at him a moment. Suddenly his eyes softened and he made goo-goo eyes at his brother "I forgive you!!!" Jumping forward, he embraced him in a passionate hug.  
  
"ACK!! Get off Get off!!!" Prying him off with his claws, Sessho-Maru managed to scramble away before the affection could increase. "You're SICK!!"  
  
"ARRGGHH!!! I did it again!!!" In-Yasha looked like he was about to be sick. "I HATE that damn fairy!!!!"  
  
"ME TOO!!!" Sessho-Maru made a mental note to keep an eye on In-Yasha all the time now...He was too unpredictable. The look on his face as he thought over his brother's situation was so CUTE!!! It makes me want to just grab him and hug him and cover him with KISSES!!!!  
  
"Me too!!" In-Yasha vehemently agreed before he knew what he was saying.  
  
".........Kill me now.... Please" Sessho-Maru begged as he backed away from everyone.  
  
And No I will NOT kill you!!!! I love you too much!!!!!! Now then, sit down, shut up and wait for the next chapter, however far off that may be. 


	5. How InuYasha Came to Hate Pork

Chapter 5: How Inu-Yasha Came to Hate Pork As we start our new chapter we find our heroes hot on the trail of the infamous Dash Monster. Already, our brave In-Yasha has been marked by this creature from hell, the dash in his name standing out like a mocking testament of the monster's victory, and the 'u' missing. But soon, SOON they shall find and destroy the vile creature and we can all celebrate with YAOI!!  
  
"HELL NO!!" Sesshoumaru screamed. Holding a large stick in his hand, he appeared to be quite busy keeping his brother at bay. " We'll never find the damn thing at this rate! He fucking won't leave me alone!"  
  
"But Sesshou-chan!" Inu-Yasha whined as he advanced towards the demon. "I just can't resist it anymore! Let me take you into my arms and kiss you and feel your body and...." Inu-Yasha's love rant was cut short as the large stick Sesshoumaru had cracked down on his skull. With a small groan, the love struck demon fell to the ground with a thump.  
  
"Stay AWAY from me!!!" Sesshoumaru screamed hysterically, his tolerance for this basically gone. And maybe...when the tolerance is gone...then maybe he'll give in and we'll get YAOI *claps her hands*  
  
"NO! NONONONONONONO!!!" Sesshoumaru screamed and screamed, his patience snapped. He was so busy screaming that he didn't even notice the large shadow pass over him. And since he had just knocked Inu-Yasha out cold, his adoring brother was unable to warn him of the imminent danger. Suddenly a very manly scream filled the forest. And although I wuv my Sesshou-chan so much, even I can't protect him from the vicious Dash Monster! Oh the humanity of it all! To be unable to protect the one I love from danger! Oh woe is I for being so weak against the creation of commercial America! Please, PLEASE Forgive me my beloved Sesshou-chan! There was naught I could do! *bursts out crying*  
  
--scene fades to further add effect--  
  
--------------------------------------------------------  
  
Inu-Yasha awoke to find his brother lying on the ground, unconscious. Concerned for his wellbeing, he quickly went over to him and started mouth to mouth resuscitation. The fact that he was still breathing didn't matter. He just wanted an excuse to kiss those soft, sultry lips.... Lips as fine as silk and as sumptuous as ambrosia.....the kind of lips that make girls swoon and men green with envy....**sighs dreamily**  
  
"HEY!" Inu-Yasha yelled, snapping the narrator out of her trance. "If you please! I am trying to revive him here!"  
  
Oh...sorry.  
  
"Hmph." Inu-Yasha turned to go back to 'resuscitating' his brother, only to see him glaring up at him angrily. "Oh...heheh ^_^;;; Brother.....you're alive. I'm so relieved!"  
  
"I'm sure you are...." Getting up, the demon pushed Inu-Yasha off of him angrily. "You shitface! You didn't even help me when that damn monster attacked!"  
  
"Monster? He attacked? You knocked me out!!" Inu-Yasha yelled back." It was your own fault Sessho-Maru......oh dear god..."  
  
"S-S-Sess-Sess-Sessho-Maru?!?!?!" the older brother cried out in both disgust and fear. "I've got a fucking dash in my name!!!"  
  
"Join the club -_-" Inu-Yasha said with a sigh. Whether the sigh was because of his own dash or the fact that he had to stop kissing his brother.....well we'll never know. OK well DUH, we all know it's because he had to stop playing tonsil hockey.  
  
"You slipped me the tongue?!?!" Sessho-Maru shrieked angrily. "How could you take advantage of me like that?!?!?!"  
  
"Hmph...I was helping you out...ungrateful." Turning his nose up, Inu-Yasha looked upset. "At least I only got a dash in my name...unlike SOME people." Looking back at Sessho-Maru, he smirked in an almost malicious way.  
  
"Huh? What do you mean?" Sessho-Maru blinked. "......................." Suddenly it struck him. "M....M....M...My U!!!! He took one of my U's!!!" Tears filled Sessho-Maru's face and he began to whimper and whine. "My U.....My U......"  
  
"There there brother dear..."Inu-Yasha sat next to him and put his arm around the crying demon. "It'll be ok....We'll get him...Now now...don't cry..." Patting his back soothingly, he smiled at Sessho-Maru. "Here...I'll make it all better..." Leaning down he put his lips against his brothers, beginning the kiss slowly.  
  
WHOHOOO!! Go Inu-chan Go Inu-Chan!!! *whistles*  
  
Sessho-Maru's eyes widened and there was a loud crack as his fist came into contact with Inu-Yasha's jaw. "BASTARD! " he screamed, pounding Inu-Yasha into the ground with his foot. "DON'T YOU EVER TRY THAT AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Inu-Yasha's body twitched as Sessho-Maru finally stopped stamping him into the ground. "Feh, serves you right," Sessho-Maru spat angrily at him. "NOW, I'm going to find that fucking monster and make it change my name back to the glorious perfection it was!!!" Storming off by himself and leaving his brother behind, the 'u' deprived demon set off to find the cure.  
  
The forest was quiet for a moment, the soft whimpers of pain from Inu-Yasha being the only sound. A loud grunt came from the injured dog demon as a stranger planted their foot firmly on his back.  
  
"OWW!! GET off me bastard!" Inu-Yasha shoved off the stranger who fell to the ground with a thud.  
  
"Hey! Watch what you're doing!" the stranger said, as he picked himself up.  
  
"Well watch where you're going!" Inu-Yasha shrieked at the boy who was dressed in yellow and black.  
  
"......It's....YOU!" the boy cried out happily as he rushed Inu-Yasha and embraced him fiercely. "BROTHER!"  
  
"WHAT!!?! Get off me! I'm not your brother you freak!" Shoving him away, Inu-Yasha glared at him.  
  
"You don't remember your own brother!?!" the dark haired boy asked in shock. "It's me! Your long lost brother Ryouga!"  
  
"................=_=;" Inu-Yasha gave him a very non-amused look. "You're in the wrong fanfic you idiot. This is Funny Fic."  
  
"It is?" Ryouga blinked in confusion. He was sure he had gone the right way.... BUT we all know how terribly lost that cute little guy gets ^_^  
  
"Cute?! Who was that??" Looking around frantically, he searched for the voice.  
  
It was me! The horribly adorable author, Yuki-chan!  
  
"Ahhh! A monster!" he shrieked and jumped into Inu-Yasha's arms with fright.  
  
=_= A MONSTER?!?!  
  
"Ahh shit...." Inu-Yasha dropped the very unsmart boy to the ground and ducked behind a tree, barely avoiding the lightning bolt that struck.  
  
Watch your mouth you rude crossover character.  
  
"What was that?!?!" Ryouga jumped up, his clothes still smoldering from the flames.  
  
"It was your own fault idiot!" Inu-Yasha called from behind the tree. "Don't piss her off!!! Trust me!"  
  
"Piss WHO off???" screamed in confusion. "I don't even know who you're talking about! ARGGH!! How did I end up in such a weird fanfic?!?"  
  
It's not weird -_-; It's just.....Funny.  
  
"You call this Funny you dement-" Ryouga's cursing was stopped short as Inu- Yasha slapped a hand over his mouth.  
  
"Do you WANT to die???" he whispered harshly into the human's ear. "Don't say ANYTHING unless it's something nice alright???"  
  
You're a good widdle doggie demon Inu-Yasha ^.^ *pat pat*  
  
"Yes, yes ^^;; I know..." Inu-Yasha nodded. "Now....we'll just be going now....." His hand still over the lost boy's mouth, he quickly ran off. Which seem rather silly since I know where he's going and he can never ever escape me *evil laugh*  
  
Inu-Yasha came to a skidding halt at the bank of a river, dropping Ryouga to the ground with a thump. "What are you?!? Fucking INSANE??? You're gonna get us both killed!" he screamed at the extremely confused Ryouga.  
  
"I don't have any idea what you're talking about!!! I'm not even supposed to BE in this fic!!!" he screamed back in frustration. "What are you so afraid of???............And what the hell is up with your name? A dash? That's a bit tacky, don't you think?"  
  
Inu-Yasha's eye twitched slightly. "Do you think I LIKE it bastard??? It's because of some fucking MONSTER! He did this to me! It's the ONLY sense of a plot this damn fic has!"  
  
"A monster?" Ryouga blinked. "Well, I know for sure that the Inuyasha in my fic, who has NO dash, sure as hell wouldn't let some puny MONSTER do this to him"  
  
"Kisaaaamaa......." A vein in Inu-Yasha's head popped and he grabbed Ryouga and threw him into the river. He meant to give him a proper beating once the boy came out of the water, but was more than a little surprised to see a little black pig crawl out of the water. A very wet.....very angry little black pig.  
  
Blinking at the bedraggled swine, Inu-Yasha suddenly burst out laughing, rolling on the ground and pointing at him. "A....A PIG! Bwahahahahaha!!!!"  
  
Suddenly (i like the word suddenly, it's so....sudden) anywho.... SUDDENLY the little porker leapt at Inu-Yasha, his teeth bared and began to beat up the demon viciously.  
  
"OUCH!! Stoppit! Stoppit!!" Inu-Yasha swat at the black blur, but was unable to lay a hand on the speedy piggy who was doing a very good job beating the shit out of him.  
  
Oh the humility of it all....to not only have his name desecrated but to be beaten to a bloody pulp by a pig....a very small pig at that.  
  
"Ok Ok!! I'm sorry!!!" Inu-Yasha cried. "Just stooooppppp!!!"  
  
Ryouga stopped his relentless attack and gave a little snort.  
  
Now Inu-Yasha......since you've been properly defeated by this cute little itty bitty piggy, perhaps you should go find that dash monster. Your beloved brother has already gone after him. You should follow.  
  
"Brother dearest?" Inu-Yasha blinked. "He could be in danger! Oh I must go after him and protect him!" His eyes grew all big and dewy and he clasped his hands together. "And then maybe....maybe he'll be so grateful that he'll....he'll...." Inu-Yasha blushed bright red and closed his eyes, giggling like a school girl.  
  
Ryouga sweatdropped and started wondering just what the hell kind of fanfic he'd gotten into.....  
  
"YES!" Inu-Yasha cried out enthusiastically. "I will go after my brother and I shall rescue him!"  
  
And you'll have mad gay monkey sex! YES! Incest is BEST!!!! WHOHOO!!! This'll be a lemon yet!!!  
  
"YES! IT WILL!!! LET'S GO!" Inu-Yasha eagerly began his search. Soon....soooonn..... A little dribble of drool dripped down his lip as he thought of what was to come....  
  
Oops, you're forgetting someone.  
  
"Huh?" Inu-Yasha turned around to see the pig trying to sneak away. "Him?? No I don't like him!"  
  
You ARE taking him. We might get a threesome out of this.  
  
At that little, innocent remark, Ryouga squealed in fright and tried to run off, but came to a sudden halt as a large brick wall appeared in front of him. The little pig fell to the ground with a thump, a large lump appearing on his head.  
  
Grumbling about not liking to share, Inu-Yasha went over and picked him up, dunking him in the river to wake him up.  
  
Now then you cute little thing....You're going to go with Inu-Yasha to find and destroy the Dash Monster. And then you're going to help make this a lemon. Aren't you excited???  
  
"............" Ryouga didn't look too excited.  
  
Oh well. We'll make it work ^_^ Now go on you two! Go!  
  
"K!" Inu-Yasha dropped Ryouga on the ground and happily skipped along, eager to reach Sessho-Maru. Suddenly (yes, suddenly, my favorite word) he felt something land on his head. Why it was little Ryouga ^_^ Awwwwww how cute! He's riding on Inu-Yasha's head! Isn't that cute Inu-Yasha??  
  
"..............-_- Sure." Knowing better than to argue, Inu-Yasha continued on. But now he was walking slowly, a very sour look on his face and an equally sour looking piggy on his head.  
  
"This is so fucking humiliating...." Inu-Yasha grumbled under his breath as he continued onward. He just hoped he didn't see anyone he knew....... 


End file.
